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funny things with the Bible ...

APRIL 2010 - Better Not To Mess With Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said,"When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked,"What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied,"Then YOU ask him."

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."




NOVEMBER 2008 - On Harare Bulawayo road, a Pastor met a team of policemen who, quite naturally, wanted 'something' from him just like any other person. Since he was not prepared to play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything without any offence with which to nail the pastor, they now asked him to open the bonnet of his car. A careful scrutiny of the engine number against What was on the paper revealed that letter U was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter V. That was all the Officer-in-charge (OC) needed to shout "stolen vehicle”! Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offence, the pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to which the Officer replied:” Please, leave that pastor thing ... in any case; if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a Bible in your car". The Pastor said "yes" and the Officer asked him to bring it.
The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered: "Please read Matthew 5:25, 26 to me". The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:
"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."
The man of God quietly made an "offering" of "just” ZW-$ 1,000,000 to his newly found "preacher"." End of service! Go in peace and argue no more", said the OC.